you bloody fool

I fucking hate this. I hate the way you ask me a question and I answer it but as soon as I do you go offline and don't even bother to acknowledge it. I hate how I get angry over trivial things like this. I hate how you don't even seem to miss me, I mean it's all nice and good that you're enjoying yourself, you deserve it after going through six years in this shit hole, but at least wish a tiny little bit I were with you. At least care that much. I hate how I always always always care too much and how even though you tell me that I'm the best thing that has happened to you I can't seem to get myself to believe you. And I hate that I don't make you crazy any more, and that the only times you say my name is when you're angry, and that when I say your name you never seem to hear me, and that I can't forget the way you told me you didn't want to talk about your first time and the first thing that came to my mind was that stupid rumour, and that you never apologised to me for shouting at me in the hallway, and that I could never tell you all this because I'm petrified that you'll hate me and leave me, and that I forgive you so bloody easily for everything, and that I apologise for things I cannot control, and that I love you far too much for my own good, and that I'm so scared of being abandoned because I mean how silly and childish is that, and that I don't even have control over my own feelings because of some stupid fucking genetic fault that makes my hormones go haywire every now and then, and that in the end all I want is you, you bloody fool.