open letter to gc basically

Before I say anything else: This is not supposed to guilt-trip you. This is an ongoing issue and I just want you to be aware of it. I'm very angry right now and everything wrong with our relationship is coming out without me really wanting to think about it. I am furious. Especially because I love you, you fucking idiot.

You need to realize what consequences your actions have. Remember that time when we were skyping during the Easter holidays? Of course you don't.

I was in a very bad state. There was nobody in town and I was stuck at home alone. I began to cry because I was having a relapse, and that combined with being alone for an entire week just wasn't the best mix.

I fought so hard to control it. I tried so badly to stop and breathe and and to be okay so you wouldn't get angry. Why would I need to pretend in front of the person who supposedly loves me? Why would I need to suppress my own personal problems and needs just so I don't provoke the person I love?

And all you have to say is that it's tiresome. Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that my sickness was tiresome. Why don't you try switching places with me? It's not tiresome, it's hell. It's hell and I live with it every day. Sometimes it's out in the open, sometimes it's lurking in the shadows, but it's always there. Now tell me how tiresome it is to see me cry from time to time. Tell me how tiresome it is to be spared seeing me lie awake at night, wanting to disappear because I'm in so much pain that it seems unbearable.

You think it's tiresome? Well, thank you for sharing.

Fuck this.