Beginning Anew

For starters, I've ripped off every single drawing, painting, photo, poster and card off the walls in my room and hidden them in a drawer way up high where I can't reach them. I've stuffed half my books into cardboard boxes and stashed them in the darkest corners of my cellar. And I've thrown every single thing like souvenirs, origami paper, gnawed-on pencils, plastic toys from happy meals and various other things I never had the heart to get rid of into the waste bin. And no I wasn't in a fit of rage or anything. I'm far of becoming psycho at the moment.

My room looks a lot more barer without all the crap in it. But it also looks more spacey and I can finally breathe properly when I'm in it. I don't feel like I'm suffocating under the weight of all the memories hidden in all that stuff anymore. The plan is to reorganize my room completely, hang new stuff on the wall and get rid of everything I don't need. Go me. Let's hope this isn't gonna take me the whole rest of the year.
Besides the room my wardrobe needs a little pepping up, but that can wait until next year since Mum will throw a it if I make her buy more clothes now. I just have the feeling I have to move my ass and make a change in my life. It's pathetic; I go to school and play the cheery one, come home, do my homework, then sit down on my armchair and stare out of the window listening to music, not doing anything, just thinking of how miserable I am in reality. Ugh. When I think about I'm disgusted with myself. So I'm going to change it. No more crying my eyes out at night for no good reason.
I was thinking of going out more, getting myself a life outside, meeting a few interesting people and letting out all of my frustration over a dance floor, a few mojito's and a cute guy. Sounds good to me. And yes, that would be cheating on D, but seriously, it hurts too much knowing he's not here so I'd rather have a few one-night-stands and a few more hangovers than pining over him the whole damn time. ...I'm a jerk, aren't I? But I guess that's what life does to you when it stabs you in the back too many times.
Summary: No more crying, new room, new attitude, more shopping, more drinking, less regretting.
D said: "You should live life in such a way that it's fun to remember but awkward to tell." He's right.

xx  /P