baby, when the lights go out...

I know now why I'm afraid of commitment. Or rather, why I can't seem to believe it when I'm told that I'm loved.
I'm terrified of the moment when those feelings lose their validity. I've learned the hard way that nothing lasts forever, and I'm not even talking about just relationships here.
You see, the moment I embrace the feelings someone has for me and return them, that's when I make myself vulnerable. Because when that someone stops loving me, I'll get hurt. And I'll get hurt for sure. That's why I don't want commitment. I know that when I say that I love someone, that love won't just go away one day. A part of me still loves D, for example. It's still inside me, but it's not dominating or anything - it's just there. He was part of my life, and I can't forget that, no matter how much I might want to.
I'm so scared to be abandoned. I'm scared that he'll tire of me when he understands that in truth, I'm not a fun person to be around for long. I get clingy, I need constant proof that I'm still loved... But it's because I don't want it to end. I want to know what he thinks about me and if I'm doing anything wrong and whether he still loves me and if it's true that he actually does.
It's kind of a massive, paradoxical complex. I don't want commitment because it will end some day, but I want it all the same because I need the warmth of another human being.
And I just don't know how to cope with it.
I'm not made for breakups. And I know I shouldn't be so pessimistic, I should live for here and now, et cetera. But it's not that easy. God knows I wish that I could think differently. So if you think I'm paranoid and over-reacting, think twice; aren't I right to some point?

/P.