all i want for christmas...

Surprisingly enough, I actually in all honesty miss him. I say surprisingly because I really didn't expect this.
Anyway, aside from getting a hidden proposal and a love poem every day (and no, I'm not exaggerating - it's cute, really) I've been texting more than I ever have before on a daily basis.
The affair from spring isn't here; I'd really need a vent right now. Plus I really love his dogs - at least one kind of pet I'm not allergic to. And yes, I know it's wrong of me to think this way.
So much for my love life.
Don't judge me. Oh wait, you already have, quite some time ago.
But no matter - let the old affairs stay in the past, where they should be. Right now I should focus on the person who's completely crazy about me; and I don't even have to be conceited or arrogant to say it because it's plain fact for all the world to see. He worships me.
And I - I find myself caring for him more and more every day, despite what I may say or do. He's a sweetheart and he loves me, what more could I possibly want? There's that overly romantic idea of a happily ever after, right there, right in front of me, just for me. Me. Not some stupid movie heroine. Me.
But then... why is this shadow of doubt and disbelief hovering over me? Why can't I just believe for once, regardless of what happened in the past?
I want to be happy. I do. But I don't seem to know how.

/P.