Right, so the acquaintance is very serious about stuff I wish he wasn't serious about. I don't wanna marry in the future, I don't wanna have kids because I'd fuck up their lives for sure. I want to have fun while I can, I don't want commitment to a degree where someone tells me they want to spend the rest of their lives with me. It freaks me out. I'm terrified of such a responsibility and possibility. Most probably because I don't wanna screw up again. But on the other hand I want to find someone who can put up with me and who can accept me as I am. I want to be loved and to be treasured. Just like any other girl, really.
I don't know whether I should go on encouraging the acquaintance because he's in for a nasty surprise with me. I'm not ready for a relationship like the one he wants. For God's sake, I'm only seventeen and I've known him for more or les three days know. No, just no.
I found out something about Utah and I don't know what to do with the info. I don't know whether I should talk to him about it, either, since I don't want to be nosy or anything.
I am so full of doubts about everything recently. I wish life was more clear.
/P.
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