The truth can be painful sometimes, even though you knew what it was. In my case, I'm not completely sure what I feel. I'm not angry at E, not even at S. S is what I would call unworthy of thinking about. So here I am, trying to forget everything. And I will.
Being aware that somebody you loved, even if it was just for a few brief moments, never was yours, is painful, I admit. I admit that for a few seconds, it hurt. But then I thought of how I was treated by that person, and I have to say: I wasn't his either. I tried to be, I hoped I was wrong to doubt him, but no. So I am at fault too. Of course. Stupid boy. Used someone else for his sexual desires when the one he approached rejected him. That person being me, I'm really not surprised he actually cheated on me. Now that I think of it, I really am blind.
I'm not angry, I promise. Just disappointed in myself. I think hating others for something that cannot be changed makes no sense.
Either I tell the truth and accept the consequences, or I lie and then am haunted by the truth until it comes to the surface. One cannot hide from the past, it's impossible. That's why I've decided to be truthful to everyone about everything from now on. No more lies.
xxx
pxy
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