last night an earthquake took him away from me

I keep dreaming that he's dead. It's been the fourth night in a row and I just don't know what to think about it... It's always the same: We're in separate places, we call each other, he dies on the other end of the phone or the line goes dead and I know he's gone. And I can never say anything, I can only whisper, and he can't hear me properly. And then when he's dead I can speak again but it's too late... And then this feeling of absolute, complete desperation just blows me off my feet. I feel like I'm empty and I feel loss and sadness and loneliness and I'm just so full of these feelings that when I finally wake up, they just won't leave, and I sit in bed crying, still emotional but so relieved at the same time because it was just a dream. I've never dared to call him after waking up. I keep thinking that if I call, it'll come true. It scares me. It scares me so much.