full blown soap opera (what the actual fuck)

We eloped. Well, kind of. GC picked me up, father told me I was a whore and cutting all ties with him by going with GC and that's it.
Now I'm at GC's place... And you know what? I only feel bad because I don't feel bad. I can breathe freely again. I feel at home again. I even realised that one is able to miss a person as well as their smell. It's like this primeval instinct deep inside that connects smells with people and situations and in this case, security and bliss.
There is but one storm cloud at the horizon: father. He has now jumped from angry patriarch to concerned disappointed dad whose daughter rudely left without introducing her boyfriend. Oh excuse me, who sent him out of the fucking house? Who told me that what I was about to do was whoring and that I was never to set a foot in his house again? Who absolutely reject us both?
Now, it doesn't help that the three of us know the true story. If he starts telling people his version, they'll be inclined to believe him rather than two young people who seem to be in a dispute with him. So there we go. Hypocrisy at its finest. First he preaches about honesty and morals and whatnot and then he goes around contradicting every single fucking rule he set. I just love my family.

/P.

get me lingerie

I have the most awesome Christmas present idea for GC. And I'm really excited to see what he thinks of it. It's not much, just a bunch of small gifts but I think they're pretty cool, so... yeah. I'm confident he'll like it. :)

/P.

lemon soap

Ever since the Sads kicked in I keep getting the urge to cry because of every tiny thing that goes wrong. This morning I had a fit of anger and threw my clothes all over my room and then cleaned it up again, ashamed at my behaviour. Then I proceeded to glide into a state of apathetic stupor, then I went to school, almost cried at the sight of GC... not because of him but more because I needed a hug real bad and there was no time and I felt so helpless and stupid because I couldn't tell him what I wanted. Now I'm waiting for my break to be over so I can go play volleyball and ruin my wrist for the nth time because I can't seem to get anything right these days.
All I want is to snuggle up in a warm bed and have GC hug me tight and then I want to wake up after a good long sleep feeling refreshed and strong.

/P.

mandarines and chocolate

I feel fat.
I know I'm not. In fact, considering that I do close to no exercise at all, my figure is pretty great.
And yet I feel fat. Not obese, but fat. Fat as in no muscle. Fat as in my stomach and arms feel soft even when I tense them. Fat as in I ate too much fondue this evening and I feel like there's a lump of cheese at the bottom of my stomach that's pulling me towards the ground and making me feel like puking.
That kind of fat.

I'm finally staying over at GC's again on Thursday. I can't wait. And then I'm leaving for two weeks.... ughhh.

/P.

how many muffin? - yes.

Weirdly enough I'm not looking forward to the holidays at all. I want to stay here and have fun. I know I sound like a spoiled brat but that's just how it is.
I don't enjoy staying with my father because I constantly need to be on guard. Did I say something that could be used against me? Did I remember to smile when I said good morning? Is it okay to wear my hair like this? Can my voice be mistaken to have an aggressive undertone? Would it be rude and ungrateful to say that I want to spend my holidays with other people?
I think you get my point.

I'm planning to convince my father that I absolutely must leave four days before school starts so I can spend some time with GC and perhaps even LR if she's available. It would be awesome. Though what would be even more awesome is GC's and my elopement plan which involves him carrying me off into the dark night on Sylvester. Come on, picture it. The faces they'd make... Daydreaming is okay. It really is. As long as I know I need to wake up at some point (and I do for now).

/P.

NSFW so basically don't read this unless you're seriously interested in my sex life

I don't usually talk about sex directly, but it's one of the awesome things on earth if you do it right (or if you're done right, idk). Just wanted to put this out there. And sometimes if you take shower together before and you're in a really good mood it might get a bit corny before you get horny but yeah it's awesome. Just saying.

Maybe sex is something you need to grow up to to get it right, or maybe I just didn't feel enough desire towards my exes - but he's the first guy to make me this horny. Plus I don't mind blowing him, while I was seriously grossed out by FB's dick (though maybe that was because he was a smoker).

It's like I enjoy making him feel good not just because I know he'll make me feel good too, but for his sake. Plus it's great fun to tease him. Though I haven't managed to push him over the brink yet. Like, tease him so bad that he pounces at me without any self-control left.

And then there's the casual talk about sex. I don't mind talking to him about it. I don't mind telling him about my fantasies and whatnot. I don't mind trying new things, either. The inhibitions I used to have are gone (except for one which is anal but yeah well).

Or maybe, just maybe, it's all because I'm so happy when I'm with him. He puts me in a good mood almost all the time, despite the Sads. I just like to spend time with him, no matter in what way.

TL;DR: I'm very satisfied with my sex life and the changes to it and I'm happy.

/P.

drawing his face isn't as easy as i thought

I miss my painting utensils. I need to get them after the holidays or I'll go crazy. I need to paint something other than the absolutely shitty projects we are being assigned by our art teacher.

Tomorrow's Friday which means that I can finally go to the bookstore!! Yaaay!! I have to get letter paper and at least two crime novels or at least a thriller or something. I've been deprived of proper books for far too long. Ah so much to do, so much to do.......

/P.