weird chocolate gummybear muffin thing

It's all set GC is coming to Basel this weekend woooooooo!!!

It's a fucking surprising awesome plot twist because a) my mom said yes immediately and b) he can actually come over like whaaat ohmygod...!!!!

And yes I am quite content with this FUCKING EPIC turn of events :)

Herbstmesse, here I come...

/P.

conversations

Is he just a boytoy to me? I don't know. I don't think so.
I know I enjoy being with him and that it would be nice if his feelings towards me were sincere. It would be nice to know that for once, a guy likes me for who I am and genuinely cares for me. It would be so nice.

/P.

venus in furs

Apparently my general image is that of an innocent, slightly prude girl with no experience whatsoever. A girl who still has to grow up to know the big bad world.
Newsflash, motherfuckers: Don't judge by appearances. I may dress innocent/tomboyish/chic (which is just a clothing style for fuck's sake) but that doesn't automatically imply the nature of my character. Neither does the fact that I want to succeed at school. Jesus, guys, really.
Though I must say it was very entertaining to see GC's surprised face.
I stayed over at his place over the weekend. Which was definitely not a bad decision. (Lemme brag a bit here.)
We had lots of fun, most of which involved staying locked up in his room. I wish I could have just stayed there... it's so much more cosy and, well, sexy. I mean come on, who wouldn't want to wake up every morning with a cute guy kissing your neck and throwing a casual "g'morning" before seducing you into morning sex? And then as a bonus feature you get a back massage. Mmmm I could live a lifetime like this. For once I enjoy being spoiled... ;)

/P.

his jumper my jumper

OKAY so self-perception is very important. I need to work on that. I have tremendously low self-esteem and this needs to change immediately. The morning "you're beautiful" mantra is utter bullshit, I've tried. Now I just want to focus on feeling good. As in, eating as much as I want, wearing what I want etcetera without worrying if it looks good enough to be seen in public. As long as I feel good, I'll start to look good. Kinda a side effect.
Starting now, I'll try to focus on my good sides, not just my bad sides when I look into a mirror. And I'll try to bring out my good sides even more.
I want to change for the better. I want to be desirable. But this time, I want to be desirable to myself, not to others. There's a difference.

/P.

triangle thingy

Okay so this whole thing is turning into a really cliché love triangle novel thing. TB keeps warning me about GC and I think some of TB's accusations are actually not that unfounded as I initially thought, especially that rumour he told me. But I think it's fair to give GC a chance because it looks like he's changed for the better over time. At least I sincerely hope he has.
I don't know what to do with TB. I mean it's crystal clear to just about everyone that he cares a lot about me but he seems fine to be in the friendzone for now.Maybe he's hoping that I'll run to him as soon as I get disappointed by GC or something. But he's honest and straightforward about his feelings so it's not even such a bad thing.
I haven't talked to the puppy in days. Maybe it's for the better. He should forget me as soon as possible.

/P.

these boots are made for walking

I like to be in control of things. I like predictable situations and people whom I can manipulate into doing what I want. But I like to be challenged, too. I like to fight for control over people because it's just ten times sweeter that way.Which sounds sick, I know. Strangely enough (cough, cough) I don't care.

 Am I heartless or just crazy? Or maybe both?

entertain me

The thing is that I seem to mirror people's feelings for me. If a guy shows me that he likes me and talks to me and makes a move on me, I just kind of go along with it and my feelings just adjust themselves. I think "adjust" is actually a pretty accurate description. The puppy flirted with me and then fell in love. I loved him back. Now that he's away, I realize that it's a lie when I tell him I love him. I just like him as a person now. And then there's GC who's close and in my reach and also cares for me. So I care for him too. It's like I'm just a mirror. I'm incapable of really loving, so I basically live off other people' feelings. And that makes me hate myself.

/P.