joystick 2.0

Yeah. Well.

I've never felt embarrassed about a kiss mark. This time I felt like a little girl hiding the fact that she ate all the nutella in the house. Or something.
I think the main reason is that I'm kinda crushing on Utah and don't want to seem like I'm not serious or something. I am serious. If he'd finally make up his mind, that would be great, because I've said all I have to say; now it's his turn. The thing is that I can't commit to him unless it's official. I won't stop seeing other people just because I have a crush on him. If i wait and it might be in vain then I may just as well enjoy myself anyway.
And yes, I realise this makes me awfully shallow, but what the hell, I'm enjoying myself.

/P.

Dirge in the Woods (George Meredith)

A wind sways the pines,
And below
Not a breath of wild air;
Still as the mosses that glow
On the flooring and over the lines
Of the roots here and there.
The pine-tree drops its dead;
They are quiet, as under the sea.
Overhead, overhead
Rushes life in a race,
As the clouds the clouds chase;
And we go,
And we drop like the fruits of the tree,
Even we,
Even so.

glitter nail polish

To whom it may concern: if you promise me a date, ask me out. Don't make me wait like an idiot.

Kudos to LC and SK for making my day for two days straight; you guys are the best. And LC, though you'll probably be forever friendzoned by most of the girls I know (it's really sad actually; what a waste), don't worry - I'm sure your mother promised you off to some Italo girl already... ;)

Speaking of promises, I've always wanted to see LR smack someone against a wall. Just saying.

/P.

holy crap is it that bad?

Okay, just to get a few things straight (with myself more than anyone, really):
-I may be sexually frustrated, but I wouldn't go out with someone just for the sex. If I gave anyone that impression, it's wrong.
-I want to be loved; not in the physical way (which is basically more of a pleasant side effect of the actual thing) but emotionally, whole-heartedly, the whole shazam. I need human affection to keep going.
-I like attention, just like any other girl, but I don't act up to get that attention. If you think my behaviour is overdone or faked, it isn't. I really am this crazy. I'm a drama queen. That's just me.
-I may constantly talk about wanting to hook up or have a boyfriend, but in the end, it's just a single girl complaining. Like a hungry girl would about wanting a burger.
-I don't want a boyfriend because I don't want to be alone. That would be using that person for a egoistic reason. No matter how lonely I may feel, I will never get together with someone for the sake of getting together or not being alone anymore. Get that into your head.

Phew.

/P.

missing joystick

Well, that settles it. The ex won't be bothering me again. No more listening to him feeling sorry for himself.
Mom thinks it's funny.
I think it's pathetic.

I still have to write to father about the summer holidays... But I honestly don't feel like explaining myself like a guilty little school girl about a matter that's already settled.

D wrote. I was surprised. It's good to hear from him again, I was curious what he was up to. It seems like he's thinking about quitting school, but I told him not to. He has a talent for architecture and it shouldn't be wasted. But who am I to tell him what's right and what's wrong, apparently I'm a blind idiot in these things.

/P.

another day of nonsensical existence

I need some kind of sense in my life. A goal or an inspiration. Motivation to move on and not give up. Something worth living for.

/P.

dumbest reason ever, like seriously what the fuck

Decided to give the ex a second chance to prove himself after he'd begged me for quite some time. Or so he thinks. I won't be fooled twice, no sir. Maybe I'll make him do stuff to prove his worth... that could be fun. Then again I don't wanna be mean. Oh the dilemma...

/P.