react

How would LR react if she knew I was bi?

For one, her face would be priceless.
But she'd totally freak out. Maybe throw a tantrum. Or even cut ties.
Omg I should never tell her.
On the other hand why should she worry - I'm more into boys anyway. Duh.
Ah fuck it.

/P.

complicated

Being in a relationship is complicated

Being single is even more complicated.

I have a crush and I refuse to admit it to myself. Because deep inside, I'm still hanging on desperately to D though I swore to forget him. But it's always like that. You can't just turn off your feelings with a flick of a switch. Though it would be so much easier.

The worst part is that I have absolutely no idea how to cope with this crush. It's a minor one, but it could grow into a bigger crush. And that's what I don't want. Because it'll end up like always: regrets and crying in a corner, wallowing in my self-pity.

On the other hand I could approach the situation optimistically: If my feelings are returned, it might be a good chance to forget D and start anew. I'd have someone who would hold me and who's warmth I can actually feel. It would be real. Not just a bunch of memories and a cup of hot tea in the evening. I guess I'm desperate for love. Everyone needs love, and I need a bit more than the others.

/P.

moin moin rain :)

So I'm writing this post just to annoy my mom who wants to use the internetz... never mind the randomness.

My German teacher back in OS used to greet us with a "moin moin" every morning - apparently it means Hi in Denmark and South Germany. Why am I even telling you this?

It's raining now. So great. I love rain. ♥ I wanted to go for a walk but it was too cold so I stayed home.

Tomorrow's Zumba time. It's fun, but not that hard as I'd expected it to be. I mean it doesn't veven make me lose my breath -.- I should take 2 hours instead. :)

/P.

attention please

is it wrong to be jealous of a friend just because she got more attention than me for once? i feel like a mean bitch. it was so damn trivial and actually it would never ever matter but today this thought just sprang into my mind saying "why are they listening to her? i'm more interesting anyway, look at me, me, me!" and then i felt really awful for thinking that. especially because i should be happy for her and because i'm absolutely not more interesting than her. so here i am, trying to relieve my conscience by trying to admit that i'm just an egoistic brat.
i guess i like getting attention. everyone does, to a certain degree. and my degree happens to be set higher up than with others.

/P.

thx

just had a link-fight with PB, sending each other funny pics... aww he always knows how to make me laugh :)
it's strange how i can forget that i have friends that actually care how i feel and try to get me on my feet again. i know i'm an ungrateful bitch. so thanks for making me feel better!

/P.

feeling like this isn't fun

clinging to anything that might make you feel better than the shitty state you're in right now

thank you teddy for being there for me, but you're just not enough

...why does it have to be like this???

stuff to say

Was on the winter ball yesterday evening, music was - on a scale of 1t o 10 - maybe 5.5... so it pretty boring halfway through coz there was nothing to do but try to dance to a few sucky songs (okay it wasn't that bad) oh and the aula was just full of first- and second-years... That didn't behave like first-years. Jesus, kids, if you feel like fucking, please do it elsewhere. Dry-humping in front of half the school seriously isn't advisable. Thank you. And undressing your girlfriend halfway also is something to do at home. At. Home. Not in a room packed with people who I'm pretty sure don't really want to watch you.
Aaand I have the feeling we have a new couple: MH and RE. Yep, MH came a bit tipsy and well I guess he found the courage to admit his feelings. Kind of. Plus I think E was a bit jealous? Well, anyway, I guess I should just stand back, it's none of my business anyway, though it's fun to watch and gossip.

I feel like I still have a hangover. Mom wasn't here last night, my brother is at a friend's over the week-end and the cupboard with the liquor looked oh so inviting. So when I came home, I suddenly felt this really really heavy load on my shoulders, and I became so damn depressed I couldn't help it. So. Welcome to my life as a single. And yes, I am beginning to miss D a bit, though I shouldn't.

I'm hoping to fall in love again (omg I said the forbidden L-word, badbadbadverybad), it's on my list of New Year's resolutions. I wanna be loved again...

Yesh, I does.