kill me

basically i'm really stupid and say stupid unnecessary mean things when i'm upset and i miss him and i can't see him for yet another week and next week will probably be the same and i feel so helpless i hate this so much i can't be with him this sunday which is the 23. and then next week again and on the 6, i'm in zurich and not there either and i just hate this i hate this i hate it and it hurts and he barely writes and i feel so left out it's so stupid i know but god i hate it