maybe because i attract jerks way too often

The thing with me and guys is that I never know what to expect.

Until I was thirteen, I was completely ignorant of how to dress or how to look after my body and act girly. I was awfully innocent and so oblivious it makes me cringe. Then I realised that I liked wearing nice clothes and that makeup wasn't something incomprehensible after all. I started noticing guys as more than just friends - I used to be a tomboy before. I began to worry about body weight and my figure. Kinda late if you ask me.

From the experience I've gathered with guys, most of them only act nice when they want something from me (be it a relationship or just a partner to make out with once in a while). There is no such thing as friendship between a guy and me. Of course there are exceptions, but they're more because the guy is either already taken or not the type to hit on anything in the next few years. Back to the point: I'm practically incapable to regard a cute dude who's nice to me as just a friend and not a potential 'more than a friend'. There are too few innocent guys out there for that to be possible. I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense in any way, but that's what I feel. It's like I think that you're either flirting with me or you ignore me, and there's nothing in between. Of course, one could say that my opinion of myself is too high if I have such thoughts. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe I'm just used to only being approached by guys who want something from me. Maybe it's just my bad luck. I really honestly don't know.
Also, paradoxically, when a guy definitely shows interest in me, I don't seem to able to believe it because why would they want something from me of all people? I'm not that special, there are loads of prettier and better girls than me. So for all I know I might have been friendzoning a shitload of people just because I don't believe they'd ever want anything from me. Yep, I'm a walking paradox.

So what I wanted to say is, I never know how I should react - act coy and cute or just ignore the kindness and put it off as being friendly? With some I know, with others I really don't. Like, the baby-faced gentleman: why is he so nice to me? Is he that nice to everyone? Does he tease all the girls like that? Isn't he in love with the other girl in the first place? What is his motive? They all have motives, always. So you see why I can't help being confused.

Phew. When I'll re-read this tomorrow I'll probably smack myself and say: dafuq were you thinking girl? But for now it makes perfect sense.

/P.