me . ! ?

It's funny how someone trusts you enough to tell you his/her deepest thoughts, worries and sorrows even though he/she doesn't really know you. I've come to the conclusion that it's all about appearance. If I seem innocent - not mentally since it's common knowledge that I'll see something pervy in almost everything, I mean emotionally and morally - then people are more likely to trust me. I'm the cheerful girl, the crazy, random one who's always hanging out with LR. I'm one of the good guys. Seemingly.

To tell the truth, I don't know who I am. Yes, I know, it sounds like the typical crisis every teen goes through. Honestly I don't even know why they call it teen crisis if most adults have the same problem.
The point is, I don't want to know who I am. I'm scared of finding out. Mostly because, though I don't know who I am, I know what I'm capable of. And that's what terrifies and fascinates me at the same time. It's like I'm looking at my reflection in the mirror, and I know how I look like and I know what I've done in my life but I can't see what's inside. I can't look into myself and see what lies beneath.
I wake up every day, I go to school or whatever, I talk, laugh, cry, I eat and sleep, but it all feels fake. Like I'm one of these tin toys that have to be wound up so they work. Every day the same thing. I make the same mistakes, I keep running on the spot. Nothing changes, I can't move on.

It gets tiresome.
I wish I knew more. Not only about myself, but things in general. Another thing I'm scared of: not knowing enough. And being hurt because of it.

/P.