at war

You're too nice for the world for it to be kind to you.
Are you happy with me?
We need  to talk.
Do you love me?
I'm don't want things to stay the way they are.
You think too much.
Do you know what an open relationship is?

Words, words, words. They keep raining down on me. They're threatening to bury me beneath them. So many words. And all of them have the same message: something bad is going to happen. None of these sentences and questions ever means anything good. Ever. So why do I have to hear them one by one? It's just not fair. I might deserve to some degree, but still...!

I'm scared of being left behind. I'm scared of being disliked and not accepted. I'm scared of being alone. I'm scared of being deceived. I'm scared of becoming old and fragile and helpless. I'm scared of what comes after death, the unknown. I'm scared of being hurt.
I'm scared so much that I try to hide, changing all the time, morphing into this and that until finally I don't know who the real me is. Sometimes I want to know the truth. Sometimes I don't. The likes of me are probably described as cowards. I feel cowardly, but I also feel justified in my fears, for some reason.

What are you afraid of?

/P.

Strangely enough I'm not afraid of opening up here. It's like talking to your pet; they don't understand, but you still feel relieved after telling what's on your mind.