Outing

What happens when you out yourself?

Mostly people look at you weirdly, become nervous in your presence or ignore you. Sometimes they accept you as you are. Sometimes they're intelligent enough to realize that what you are doesn't change who you are. You're still the same person they knew earlier, with the only difference that they know something more about you.

I wonder if I'm bi. Okay, I had a sexually based relationship with a girl once, but that was in 6th grade, so it was more like kids trying out forbidden things. And I tend to like boys more. Definitely. Even though I sometimes think a girl is totally hot - but I just think it, I don't actually get turned on or anything. Does that make me half-bi? Or hetero with a will to bi so I can call myself special? Difficult to say.

E once asked me if I liked L more than just as a friend. The answer is: Yes and No. She's like the twin sister I've always wanted... she thinks the same way as I do and she's as crazy as I am. Our bond is stronger than friendship and even stronger than love, I dare say. It's something unique and special, and I don't have any definition for it. I love her, yes, but it's a platonic love. Something like bromance between girls, I guess.

To make things easier: Yes I'm bisexual. There's no way to avoid it, and I have no problem with it. The first person I outed myself to - in the proper way - was A, about whom I know she's bi too. It was easier to tell her since she knew how I felt. One day I'll have to face L and T and my Mum and father and everyone, but not yet. It's so much easier to write this to an unknown audience. I don't have to look you in the eye and say: Hey, I'm bisexual, but yeah, big deal, I'm still me so let's just pretend I never said this and continue live life like we used to, okay? I'd do so well in an outing speech... (note the sarcasm)

/P.