Write, you fucking asshole. You promised.
At least fucking call.
I miss you, you coldhearted prick.
And don't say you're sorry again. If you were you wouldn't do the same mistakes over and over and over and over again.
/P.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Well, Damn.
I'm prety sure I'm gonna fail this year. I've almost given up already.
So I thought I'd organize a kind o farewell party or something, though I don't know when yet.
Anyway, I'm gonna miss my class like hell. It's the most awesome class I've ever been in and it's a fucking shame that I'm gonna have to leave.
Damn. I really wish I had done better, maybe I would have if I hadn't slept at all.
You might see me smiling, or laughing, or joking around, but inside I'm pretty much depressed. I just don't want too many people to know (it's not like anybody reads this so it's safe here) so it's not awkward if I pass after all (haha wishful thinking lvl 9000).
Just pretend not to know. I'm still fucking here. Also I wanted to say that I did give my best and I did try and I did fight.
So yeah.
That's that.
/P.
So I thought I'd organize a kind o farewell party or something, though I don't know when yet.
Anyway, I'm gonna miss my class like hell. It's the most awesome class I've ever been in and it's a fucking shame that I'm gonna have to leave.
Damn. I really wish I had done better, maybe I would have if I hadn't slept at all.
You might see me smiling, or laughing, or joking around, but inside I'm pretty much depressed. I just don't want too many people to know (it's not like anybody reads this so it's safe here) so it's not awkward if I pass after all (haha wishful thinking lvl 9000).
Just pretend not to know. I'm still fucking here. Also I wanted to say that I did give my best and I did try and I did fight.
So yeah.
That's that.
/P.
Jealous?
Right. I never thought I'd live up to this day. So the boyfriend has this best friend, and she's a girl. Yes, sounds like drama material to me, too. But you see, here's the thing: It's not. She has a boyfriend herself, who by chance also happens to be the boyfriend's best friend too. And she's really nice, both of them are. I don't exactly belong to the group yet, but they accept me as "the boyfriend's girlfriend" basically. It's a start.
Anyway.
I know I shouldn't, but I feel uneasy when that girl is around the boyfriend. It's not like I act different with other people than when it's just the two of us, so it's not a problem of "distance" or anything. It's just that legère way she has with him that I don't. It's something only best friends can share, I can't really explain it, but once you're bf and gf then that... aura or whatever ceases to exist. You have other things best friends don't have, but the intimacy is on a different level. Yeah, intimacy is the right word. And that's what I'm jealous of. Even though I have more than enough. It's just something I want but I'm scared of it at the same time. The closeness would be too much to handle when it comes down to being completely honest and trust one another. You know why.
/P.
Anyway.
I know I shouldn't, but I feel uneasy when that girl is around the boyfriend. It's not like I act different with other people than when it's just the two of us, so it's not a problem of "distance" or anything. It's just that legère way she has with him that I don't. It's something only best friends can share, I can't really explain it, but once you're bf and gf then that... aura or whatever ceases to exist. You have other things best friends don't have, but the intimacy is on a different level. Yeah, intimacy is the right word. And that's what I'm jealous of. Even though I have more than enough. It's just something I want but I'm scared of it at the same time. The closeness would be too much to handle when it comes down to being completely honest and trust one another. You know why.
/P.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Late.
Story of my life. Guys, if you don't want to be friend-zoned, tell the truth. It takes guts and you take a certain risk, but isn't always like that in life? And who knows, maybe you're lucky...?
Sunday, May 27, 2012
So Far.
"Wake up
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?
Here you go create another fable"
-System Of A Down
Again, the sad truth behind our masks.
Every morning you wake up and the first thoughts that come to you probably aren't "I'm awesome" or "I feel great the way I am". More likely you thoughts sound more like "My hair looks terrible" or "I'm fat" or "Nobody understands me". Admit it.
Then you walk into you bathroom, wash your face, notice that your forehead is too high or your eyebrows are too dark or whatever. You try to correct those 'faults' and mostly end up looking worse than before. After that you dress up; you notice that those new jeans are still too small and you have to lose more weight, or that your favourite T-shirt is suddenly a bit tight around your hips. You make a big drama about all of it in your head, not noticing that in the eyes of others, you're probably someone they would like to be like. It goes on and on and on. Nobody is happy with themselves. I'm not, for that matter. And I probably have no right to be saying all this in the first place since I can't really be a role model.
People, have more confidence in yourselves. You may think you're ugly, whether it's on the inside or the outside. There's something beautiful in everybody, sometimes you just have to look closely to see it.
You can always change, and you always have a choice.
/P.
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?
Here you go create another fable"
-System Of A Down
Again, the sad truth behind our masks.
Every morning you wake up and the first thoughts that come to you probably aren't "I'm awesome" or "I feel great the way I am". More likely you thoughts sound more like "My hair looks terrible" or "I'm fat" or "Nobody understands me". Admit it.
Then you walk into you bathroom, wash your face, notice that your forehead is too high or your eyebrows are too dark or whatever. You try to correct those 'faults' and mostly end up looking worse than before. After that you dress up; you notice that those new jeans are still too small and you have to lose more weight, or that your favourite T-shirt is suddenly a bit tight around your hips. You make a big drama about all of it in your head, not noticing that in the eyes of others, you're probably someone they would like to be like. It goes on and on and on. Nobody is happy with themselves. I'm not, for that matter. And I probably have no right to be saying all this in the first place since I can't really be a role model.
People, have more confidence in yourselves. You may think you're ugly, whether it's on the inside or the outside. There's something beautiful in everybody, sometimes you just have to look closely to see it.
You can always change, and you always have a choice.
/P.
True Colours
It made me wonder.
Everybody lives behind a mask. Everybody has their secrets that they don't want others to know about. This way of thinking may seem paranoid, but let's be honest: it's the truth. And the reason why people shove away this way of thinking is because they can't admit to themselves that they're exactly the same.
I remember all the posts from way back last year when I'd be this depressed kid who'd hide her tears behind a smile. Most people would put it off as teen drama and stuff, but I think that I wasn't the only one who's reality actually looked like that.
And, after all, even if it's not always at the same level, all of us are in a way pretentious. Some of us just seem to do it better than others.
/P.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Sleeping Beauty
Her colors are faded
She’s wrinkled and dry
Frail, sure to break
At just the wind’s sigh
Yet she stands upright
With iron will
The dead rose
On my windowsill
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