my phone broke

My phone fell for the millionth time, and this time, the display shattered. I can still use it, but it's terribly off-putting to tipe and watch through an awfully cracked screen. I'm thinking of getting it replaced, though, since I'm not going to buy a new phone anytime soon and this one works just fine at the moment.

I'm at GC's place now, waiting for him to come back from a music rehearsal (what kind of evil person schedules rehearsals on a Saturday evening???). Finally I can sleep again. I haven't exactly been having the best night's sleep lately, as I've mentioned before. So yeah, I'm glad I'm back for at least tonight and tomorrow.

It's the 23.

... Which means that GC and I have been together for 7 months now. You'd think it would feel more special. It doesn't. It feels normal. So normal that I've stopped giving a fuck about whether or not any of us remembered. It's weird.

I'm working on an art assignment right now, which is my way of creatively procrastinating (I have a maths test on Monday and guess who's super motivated to learn? NOT ME)... I swear it's a great assignment. Totally worth flunkig a grade.

no place like home

I feel so much more at home here than I do in Basel. It's so strange, I've adapted so quickly that it almost seems like I was never attached to my old home in the first place.

I forgot GC doesn't have to go to school anymore. I wanted to text him during the break to ask whether he'd come down to the cafeteria, but then I remembered. Silly me. I'll probably get used to this quickly, too. And then I'll wonder how it happened and when I had stopped thinking of morning kisses.

I do think of them, though. It sounds so petty, good lord. But it's the little things one misses the most. No more hiding little notes in his coat, no more "hurry up, we're late", no more "you'll miss the train". No more afternoon cuddles.

I went to his place yesterday, though, because I had the afternoon off. Time flies when you're enjoying yourself.

I feel so relaxed when I'm with him. I wish I could have stayed, just to sleep soundly for once. I don't sleep well anymore when I'm alone.

My two babies: after

My two babies: before

I'm allergic to pears now, too

Green tea is the worst shit ever. I'm not allowed to drink it with sugar so I don't know whether it would taste better with, but pure green tea tastes like a mixture of dirty tap water and obscure herbs. But I'm forcing myself to drink at least three cups a day for detox purposes. I need to get rid of all the nasty stuff I stuffed into my body during my stay in Liverpool.

I've also taken up eating pineapples and bananas, also for detox purposes, but mainly because I've found my new favourite fruit (aside from mangoes which will forever be my #1).

Speaking of pineapples, apparently they're also good for the skin because they're rich in collagen or something. So I bought a funky shower gel with pineapple extract. Luckily (or should I say sadly?) the smell doesn't linger, so I don't have to walk around smelling like a tropical fruit stand.

Tomorrow's finally Friday. I still need to clean up my room for the weekend (it's utter chaos because I had to unpack my suitcase and I still don't know where to put some things).

And then I'm off to home sweet home - or at least, the home 15 minutes away. You know, the one with the big warm bed and a boy to cuddle with and two dogs. The dogs were sheared recently and they look so much smaller than they did with lots of fur... The younger one resembles a chihuahua now for some reason...

Mayday

We'll have the entire house to ourselves this weekend. And we all know what that means, don't we?

He's become more physical with me this last week. What I'm trying to say is he keeps touching me, not sexually though, just caressing my hand or leaning on me and so on. He hasn't done it before, at least not this much. Mind you, I'm not complaining. I'm merely observing a change. Maybe it's because he'll be gone soon.

I'll miss him so much. No more meeting up during breaks, no more quick kisses and "how was class?" or "see you after lunch". At least we'll have the week-ends. But still. I'm selfish and spoilt and want him all to myself. :P

or maybe i'm over-ambitious

I've decided to take the Cambridge Proficiency Exam as soon as possible. I won't have to go to English lessons then and I think I wouldn't even have to take any tests except the major ones.

I've also decided to start working out again. Nothing big, just jogging for half an hour every second day and some crunches and stuff on the other days. I'm starting out slow, with only 15mins of running and more focus on the other workouts, but the goal is to run 30mins plus minor workouts every day. It'll take me a loooot of perseverance but yeah I'm confident. I've got a lot of time on my hands now, and subjects are surprisingly becoming easier instead of harder. Huh.

it's been a while

I was in Liverpool until last Saturday, so I haven't been around enough to bother to write something on here.

Liverpool was nice. I visited a lot of places and got my British English back (I switch back to American from time to time though).

Being away for a month also made me realise a few things.

- Usually when it comes to relationships, I never manage to keep them up longer than 3 months. Another thing is that I tend to care more for my partner than they do for me. I've been together with GC for almost 7 months now. And you know what? I feel like this time, we both care equally. And I'm happy.

- I am not afraid of getting hurt when GC has anger outbursts. I trust him not to hurt me physically, let alone intentionally. But I am afraid that one day he will go too far and either land in hospital or make somebody else land in hospital. He has anger issues. I understand that he has a lot of pent up anger and frustration, and I understand that it's hard to cope with additional stress and provocation. However, it might get him killed if he goes too far once too many. And that's what I'm afraid of.

- My body is mine and mine alone. I have to live in it. And I have to learn to love my home. I don't want to be influenced by others in terms of how I should look like. I want to learn to how love myself and love my body, and learn how not to constantly compare myself to others. I want to learn how to look into a mirror without finding flaws and instead to find good aspects and feel good about myself. Because I am tired of feeling like I'm not good enough or pretty enough. Simple.

- Having a lot of sex doesn't mean that you're "easy" or a slut. I enjoy it and I'm comfortable with that. No "masterkey" and "bad lock" bullshit. Like, what the fuck? I can't enjoy having glorious sex with whomever I choose because "it's not right"? Fuck you. Fuck you right up your bigoted ass.

- I need lots of sleep. Recently I've been going to bed earlier and I have never felt better. I can concentrate so much better, and coffee is a thing of the past. Sleeping early has also taught me to organise my timetable in a way that I can get everything that needs to be done before 8 pm. That way, I still have some time for other stuff, but without the stress of having uncompleted tasks that need my attention.

- Absence makes the heart go fonder, and the body horny as fuck. That is all.