i fell asleep during bio lesson

I wish I could say something cliché like "new year, new me" - but we all know it would be utter bullshit.

I do want to focus on my grades more though, especially maths, physics and chemistry. But that's kinda a given, don't you think?

I've gone back to regularly writing poetry recently. I've even gone as far as showing it to GC... Even though I'm petrified he won't like it. If there's somebody I'm desperate for to like my poetry, it's him. Because my words are a part of me, and if they're bad, I'm not good enough either. A simple but dangerous mindset, I admit.

It's kind of annoying me that every paragraph in this post starts with an I...

Another thing I'm desperate to avoid is being annoying. I don't want to be overbearing. I don't want to appear snoopy or moody or unnerving in any way. I want to be kind and gentle and amusing and charming and sweet and pretty and sexy. I want to be the most perfect woman he's ever met. I want to impress him to the point where he won't be able to go on without me, ever. I want to be the centre of his universe, basically.

Notice that I said woman, not girl. Yet another recent change to my mentality. I am a woman, both physically and psychologically speaking. And it's strange. I wonder how I can even define for myself what the difference is between a girl and a woman. Because of course I still act childlike from time to time, some of my convictions are naive and perhaps even childishly irrational, and of course my behaviour ranges from composed adult to hyperactive baby. And yet I'm convinced that I'm a woman, not a girl. I only wish I could explain why.

/P.