why can't he be cute?

I've been waking up recently after having an awesome dream but I have no idea what I dreamt I just know it was an epic dream. I really want to know what it was though :/

I've met a guy who is nice, funny, witty, likes and hates the same stuff as me, thinks a bit like me, is crazy a bit like me. Sounds perfect, right? But here's the snag: he's not my type at all. So I've just turned into one of those bitches who friendzone the guys who are best suited for them. I can't believe it. Like, I actually hate that kind of girls because of their ignorance and everything but now I'm one of them. I feel like a hypocrite. Scratch that, I AM a hypocrite.

So from now on I have no right to say I wanna get laid because there's a guy right in front of me, the first in line, and I'm ignoring that fact stubbornly.

Feel free to hate me, I already do.

/P.

fanmail (basically: ignore this)

I've been watching City Hunter for the last few days and I just need to vent my frustration and the feels.

Firstly: Jin Pyo, you are one crazy son of a bitch and I hate your guts and I don't care if you watched Moo Yul die that's no excuse to ruin his wife's life okay!

Secondly: Yoon Sung, you got your shit together and admitted your feelings so I'm proud of you. Plus you look adorable in nerd glasses.

Thirdly: Na Na, thank you for sticking with Yoon Sung. But do me a favour and stop having near-death-experiences.

It's hard to watch a series when you're constantly torn between fangirling, processing the cuteness, hating on the bad guys and crying for the good guys.

And no, you don't have to understand what just happened.

/P.

banana milkshake

Note to self: never google your symptoms.

I've been switching words in sentences lately while talking or leaving them out completely and it's bothering me a lot. But I can't figure out what's going on. I mean, the internet told me that I'm either on anti-epileptic meds, showing signs of early dementia/multiple sclerosis/thought disorder, or a linguistic dyslexic.

Well, that sounds wonderfully reassuring.

/P.

where's the damn coconut

I dragged SF to a party yesterday, it was boring until after 11 (yet another proof of the 11-o'clock-rule) but then things got more interesting. The two of us got kinda separated and the gossip that later ensued was... epic. She stayed over at my place so we had all the time in the world to discuss everything. I really like those moments when you're all giggly and silly and life's just good.

Plus I had a really deep *cough* discussion on male porn preferences which was very enlightening. Like why guys don't really like gays but welcome lesbians any time.

No hangover today, thank God. Apparently there's a prayer for that.

I woke up pretty early today and really felt like making something tasty for breakfast (note the three miracles occurring: 1. I woke up early after a party; 2. I wanted to have breakfast; 3. I was in a condition to actually get up and concoct something).

So I made pancakes. Very improvised pancakes mind you, there was only a single egg in the fridge and i had used up most of the milk for a banana shake (good for hangovers), but they turned out just fine, surprisingly. I should do this more often :)

/P.

starry starry night

I feel lonely. Again.
I just feel all alone in the world, and I can't help but cry. It's like I'm in this bubble of air and nobody really sees me, they just get on with their lives, and I'm stuck in place with nowhere to go. And then apathy sweeps over me and I don't even have the strength to fight, I just wait for everything to be over.

dump the chump and hump the champ

I so totally love that expression.

So I'm into cooking now, especially Italian and traditional Polish cuisine. And Asian. But that's a given.

Maybe it's my Indian genes that make me catch cold so quickly. Fuck'em.

American/German word of the day: Gesundheit.

/P.

no tests wooo

I'm sick again.
Hahahahahahaha...hahaha...ha... *breaks down crying*
Why me???

I went to see 'le bourgeois gentilhomme' today, and I don't think I've ever experienced so many WTF-moments in a row since 'Funky Forest' (and that was some really weird shit). I wouldn't have understood a sod if I hadn't read the play last year.

I want to wear more dresses and skirts this summer, the trouble is that I have absolutely no idea how to combine tops with skirts. It's like I've been cursed or something - maybe my fairy godmother snuck up to my cradle on my first birthday and said "bitch you so fat you ain't never gonna wear no skirts so imma just take away dat ability of yours to combine shit!" And yes, my fairy godmother is apparently some kind of black badass granny (not being racist here that's what she is I can't help it can I?). So anyway, I guess I have to start taking fashion lessons from YD :P

/P.

i'm waiting

Summer rain makes me happy. I just have the urge to smile and fall asleep while water droplets hit my face, drowning me in this feeling of warmth and security.

i caught him smoking

What is my purpose?
I want to be loved. I want to be admired. I want to be desired. I want to be fascinating. I want to be beautiful.
But is that a purpose? No.
I want to be happy. That's my purpose. I want to be happy with myself. I want to be the person who can make me happy. If I can achieve that, I can start depending on others. But before that, I need to learn how to love myself.

a little something i came up with

Close your eyes.

Imagine absolute nothingness. Imagine the quiet darkness surrounding you, thick but untouchable, the dwindling gravity. Imagine yourself, half floating, half standing, in that nothingness. Now listen closely.
Can you hear it?
It's your heartbeat. It's pure life pulsing through your veins. The essence of your existence.

I can silence it in the fragment of a second.