long long ago...

What to do? What to do?

I want both of them, in a way. D to pass the time during the summer holidays and to have someone somewhere who cares and him to hold back here, in the middle of nowhere. But it's not as easy as that, isn't it?
I'm addicted to D, he's like some kind of drug I can't get enough of. It might sound cliche, but it's true, sadly.
He is something out of bounds, something forbidden that I want to have at all costs, just because I actually shouldn't. I've tasted the forbidden fruit... I like him, but not in that way; I just like him.

Honestly, I still shy back from the idea of being a two timer, but then on the other hand, why not? No doubt D is doing exactly the same thing. Oh the trust I put in him, it's overwhelming...

/P.

love me like you say you do

You say you know me, well you don't know me enough. You say you love me, well you don't love me enough. Love me like you say you do, or I might just slip out of your reach.

Vain as I am, I know you don't want that.
Vain as you are, you don't believe me when I say this.

We'll see how this ends. Will it me a masochistic me staying with you despite everything, or will it be a proud and dignified me breaking up with you once and for all? Frankly, I'm afraid of both outcomes. What on earth have you done with me?

/P.

in vino veritas

I was drunk. So I told him to kiss me. He kissed me, but not the way I wanted him to. It was just a light peck on the forehead.
Why did he do it in the first place? He could have just said no.
Maybe he thought I was too drunk to be taken seriously and just did it so I wouldn't throw a tantrum or something (pff like I would). Or maybe he didn't want to take advantage of the situation since I was drunk and did it as a middle-way-thing. Or maybe he was drunk enough to just do it randomly without any further meaning to it.

I want to be truthful now. I wasn't drunk, just a bit tipsy, but I could think straight and walk properly and stay serious and all that jazz. I swear. So I pretended to be more drunk than I actually was. I guess I kind of wanted to see how far I could go in my tipsiness and how far he would go if he knew I wasn't exactly sober. Now I kind of regret it. It didn't work out how I wanted it to. He wasn't sober himself and yet he didn't do anything.

Why?

What do I have to do for him to want me? Because I do.
He's like a toy out of my reach that I want to play with, no matter what. As soon as I cast my eyes on something I can't have (or at least not yet), I want it even more.

Little, toy, won't you be mine?

/P.

3 reasons

3 reasons why he's is a good person:

- He keeps quiet about the drunk you who said some pretty embarrassing things, and doesn't tell you about it because it's better if you don't remember
- He doesn't ignore you or hold any grudges for acting really stupid
- He doesn't take advantage of you and just smiles sadly and kisses you on the forehead when you demanded him to kiss you

Thanks. It's really sweet of you.

/P.

Uhuh

Uhm. Haven't been updating lately. Was in theater camp, was fun and all.

So anyways D wrote 3 (!!!) mails since last Sunday, which is like a minor miracle because what I usually get from that lazy motherfucker is a text after two weeks of silence.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm addicted to him.
He proposed this "game": to every mail we write to each other we include a question. That way we get to know each other better. So.Fucking.Cute. It's so cliche and all that shit but I couldn't help but grin and think "awwwwww that is so sweet!" Right. I'm pretty stupid when it's about him. But he makes me so, so, so happy, even though it's painful most of the time. I must be a masochist.

/P.

gotta love her

theclouds outside aremoving sofastit lookslike I'minan alien spaceship going warp speed alsokermit likestoplay thisgame wheniflush thetoilet hetriesto grabyour toilet paper outofthetoilet asit'sflushing wtf bro thatissofucking weird marblesjustsaid heyletshavea fiesta i'mmexican tequila motherfucker vagina unicorns

 

Gotta love Jenna... xD

/P.