grrr

I just finished reading this awesome fanfiction based on one of those korean series (You're Beautiful) I like to watch. And no there was no gayness involved. Just pure sweet romance and misunderstandings... the usual soap opera stuff. Anyway. Now that I look at my own works, I feel so fucking insecure that I've started to hate all of my writing. Well not exactly hate but I'm just not satisfied with it anymore. It's so frustratiiing!! Grrrrrr!!

D's back from Slowenia. Hasn't written anyway. Liar. Meh.

/P.

what it sounds like when Schindler (maths teacher) talks to me

Yeah, I don't understand anything either.

/P.

mah fricken wrist hurts but i'm happy is that normal

I screwed my wrist. I got screwed myself by Mr M, my badminton teacher. I screwed my foot. I got screwed myself by my terrible school grades. Screw life.
So to make things clear: My wrist hurts like shit but somehow it's not broken or anything, doc said I have to take an x-ray to be sure. Mr M was pissed because I was late. I was late because I was too fucking stupid to know at which stop I should get out of the tram but that's besides the point. After badminton I was putting on my shoes and I kinda twisted my foot in a way that made (and is still making) my middle toe feel like a pile of glass splinters for the rest of the evening. Now I gotta meet up with my homeroom teacher and my mum on Thu to discuss how badly I suck at school. Yep, I'm screwed.

Ooon the bright side: I finally understand physics! Woot!!! Somehow I feel like I'm enlightened or something. Pretty cool feeling if you ask me :)

/P.

I'm smart enough

[Since for some reason I can't post comments on E's page, I'll have to answer the question with a post. E, please try to fix your page because I can't comment on it, it keeps saying that I should log in (and when I do it won't work anyway even after 4 times) or that it just can't process my comment.]

The eeepiiic answer:
It's fucking water!! H2O. Dihydrogen monoxide. Two hydrogens, H2, and a monoxide, O. I'm sooo full of myself right now... I couldn't help but laugh at the post, sorry, it's just so stupid ^o^ okay whatever I'm going to bed I'm tired and I tend to behave strange when I'm tired. Got shit to do tomorrow. G'night :)

/P.

Mockingbird

Singing sweetly it sits on a stone

Trilling a melody I don't understand

It sings with such passion I can't help but wonder

With a song of such beauty - why is it alone?

omg my skin

I've got rash all over my arms for some reason, especially in the places where I hit the ball during volleyball today. It looks kinda scary, like hundreds of tiny bruises and needle pricks. Ahhh I hope it'll go awayyyyyy...... :(

Olive Oil Rant

My gran has taken over the place for this week. This means that everything, and I mean eeeverything, is somehow "seasoned" with olive oil. It's terrible. I've come up with various excuses for not being able to eat the stuff but slowly she's started to nag and hold lectures on how it was in her days. Rahhhh get me out of this shit hole!
I need a biiig cup of coffee, even better if it's with amaretto or grand marnier, makes the whole thing tastier. I'm going to move into an apartment over a coffee shop someday, it would be the ideal place for me to stay. Seriously. Fresh coffee in the morning with a fruit yogurt, fresh coffee in the afternoon with a cookie, and fresh coffee in the evening with a piece of apricot pie. All I need to live happily. Damn I'm hungry now. What to do? I guess I'll go out and bully some starbucks-employee.
God I hate ordering stuff at starbucks (as much as I love the place), they ask too many questions. If I say I want a cappuccino, I mean a cappuccino - I don't give a camel's arse about chocolate topping or the color of my sugar or if the beans are Cuban or... whatever. Give me a damn coffee, is all I want, jeez. Go fuck a moose, bitch.
So yeah. Cheers.

/P.

Mind Control

So anyway I really did make a drunk call the other day, and yes, it was awkward. Very. But yeah that isn't really what I wanted to write about.
I told father that Mom wanted to take us on a cruise someday and now my oh-so-caring father keeps sending me pictures of cruise ship accidents. Hmm I wonder why? (Note the sarcasm)
It's like he can't just tell me directly that he doesn't want me to go on a cruise and spend time with him instead, so he just tries to scare me out of going by making me see screaming people on a sinking ship. That's just plain cowardice! Raaah I can be so angry at him sometimes! I mean please, I'm not stupid. And I'm definitely going on that damn cruise. Period.

/P.

a bit lonely

Yeah. I feel lonely at times. It just hits me and sends me catapulting into a very deep, very dark hole of sadness and self-pity. And then I have to climb all the way back up again. But I should be smiling, like the usual me, right? Sorry. I'll do my best.

I thought of calling him and pretending to be drunk so that what I say won't be too hard to tell. In vino veritas, after all. But then I'm a coward. So I didn't call him after all.
Mom's gone to fuck around with her bf for the night and A is at a sleepover. I miss sleepovers, they're so much fun. So I guess I'll go drown my sorrow somewhere for once. I don't usually drink, mostly because I tend to get killed by my mom - she can smell booze from a mile, even when a packet of chewing gums is covering the smell. I wonder how she does it. Anyway, I'll be on my way. Maybe I really will make a drunk call to D. Would be awkward. But I miss his voice.

/P.

Daisy

Just a song I've fallen in love with:

I'm a mountain that has been moved
I'm a river that is all dried up
I'm an ocean nothing floats on
I'm a sky that nothing wants to fly in
I'm a sun that doesn't burn hot
I'm a moon that never shows it's face
I'm a mouth that doesn't smile
I'm a word that no one ever wants to say...

I'm a mountain that has been moved
I'm a fugitive that has no legs to run
I'm a preacher with no pulpit
Spewing a sermon that goes on and on...

Well if we take all these things and we bury them fast
And we'll pray that they turn into seeds, to roots and then grass
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way
Or if the sky opened up and started pouring rain
Like he knew it was time to start things over again
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way

Well if we take all these things and we bury them fast
And we'll pray that they turn into seeds, to roots and then grass
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way
Or if the sky opened up and started pouring rain
Like he knew it was time to start things over again
It'd be all right, it's all right, it'd be easier that way

---Daisy by Brand New

/P.

patience is a virtue (i used to have)

I am generally a very patient person. I may seem OOC or hyper at times (well okay always) but I really am patient. At least I try to be - I have my limits.
The worst thing is that this so-called patience of mine seems to lessen by the hour. I hate waiting for this certain thing. A woman shouldn't have to wait for this kind of thing in the first place. It should come to her at demand.
Of course my choice had to be a useless idiot who never so much as thinks of it.
By it I mean giving a fucking sign of life. Or at least a sign that he gives a damn.
How did I become like this?! This is a disgrace. I don't have a proud bone left in my body. It's amazing how a single guy can do this to me, isn't it? Amazing and kind of scary.

Answer me, who am I to you?

/P.

2 things

1st thing is that I'm kinda getting all OCD about brushing my teeth. I did it like 5 times yesterday (that's what she said) and 4 times today. I just felt weird and had to brush them. And then everything was fine again. So much for my weird sides... I'm thinking of telling the tooth. Means my psychiatrist. She has this tooth on the left side of her upper jaw that's a bit bigger than the others and it keeps annoying me... I can't focus when she talks because I keep looking at that damn tooth. Hope she'll never ever read this, coz she's fine in general but that tooth just... urgh.

2nd thing is might take some time to explain.
Now I know one of my new year's resolutions was to forget D, but oh well since I was doomed to fail from the start I might just stop beating around the bush and get to the point, right?
The thing about D is that... I can't get enough of him. What's even worse is that the less he gives, the more I want. Totally annoying. I want to know everything about him, I want to be with him... It just sucks. And when I realize I don't know everything about him, I keep hoping for more. I want him to talk. About anything. But he doesn't, and I get angry and then he's sorry and then I feel guilty although I shouldn't. So that's the main picture of my overly complicated relationship that isn't really a relationship but kinda is. I make things way to complicated. The main point is that we're back together again since Sylvester. Kinda missed a point since I just realized I didn't write about it, sorry. Anyways. That's that.

/P.

gimme a break

Haven't updated in aaages. Sorry about that. Fanfics, the other blogs and school.
My weekend was pretty sucky - vomited, fainted and slept my way through Saturday and Sunday was just a moment of rest after a menstrual sickness attack. Then 1 a.m. this morning was for last minute reading of my French book, and then 5 hours of not-so-blissful sleep before getting up and going to school. I sucked at my first Badminton lesson (I came 30mins late and missed the warm up plus failed terribly in general) and then had to rush for theater rehearsals until eight. So yeah. So much for my time so far.
On the bright side I have some new subscribers on my fanfic page which kind of lifted up my spirits, and Z gave a sign of life which is good to know since she's always ever so busy with her never-ending list of changing boyfriends. It's like she changes them every week... sometimes I wish my life was as easy. Aaand here I go moping again.
I need a break.

/P.

Back

I'm home! After like 10 days of zero contact to anybody.... Ohh I love the sound of my keyboard and the clicks and pops and hums of all those spam pop-ups..... Pure bliss!

Anyway.

Sylvester kind of sucked at the beginning. First, on the way to some restaurant, my father lost control of the car and we crashed into a mountain of snow and we had to wait for like an hour for the dude with the truck to pull us out. So much for the start of my New Year's Eve. Later that evening: One - I repeat: one - bottle of champagne for three (!) people and a few half-hearted remarks on the 'beautiful' evening. I realized how damn pissed and bored I was when E told me she'd drink to me so I told father I'd go to the village to watch the firecracker-show they were gonna make at 12:30. And I did. And guess how fucking happy I am that I did.
On my way up I met some of my old friends I'd made ages ago during some holiday or the other and of course the first comment was "Omg we have to drink to this!" Aaand we did.
One of those friends was my old crush from maybe like 4 years ago. Manu - we call him Don for short, which is short for Don Juan, which is a (I confess) pretty mean hint at his bad luck with girls - was completely stoned and kept whining about some girl who'd rejected him. I don't really understand why she did reject him, but I guess guys who don't have facebook, myspace or even msn and still cling on to their festzeit-profile are regarded at losers, no matter if they're good-looking or not.
3 champagne bottles and 2 beers later: I'd recited some lines of my role in our school play and Gioia (she won't ever read this anyway) now started approaching random people and screaming "Greatness is merely a question of attitude" into their faces. Awkward as it was, it was fun, too.
I came home through the terrace window-door-thingy reeking of alcohol, and I prayed no-one would notice. I guess God exists after all. I took a shower and almost broke my neck because I slipped and then D called me, equally drunk if not even more, and we had a conversation of around 5 minutes that consisted of him trying to tell me "he missed me and was sorry for I-don't-remember-what and wanted me back and all that" and me giggling all the time because he sounded funny.

So much for my New Year.

/P.