parenting

"My dearest P

You don't belong to this society anymore. You have no shame! (And do you know what kind of woman has no shame?) One can only pity you out of tactfulness. When you'll stop manipulating and lying you'll have the chance to win... your life!

Your loving father"

What the fuck have I done so wrong that I am called (or at least implied to be) a manipulating whore and a liar? I honestly don't see the reason. This really hurts, dad. It hurts and you know it. And yet at the end of the message you say that you love me. Well fuck you. At least tell me what I did to make you insult me like that.

sorry it's another guy-post

Intense desire. That's what I felt whenever he was near me. Whether we were just sitting next to each other, talking with friends, shoulders barely touching, or walking towards each other on our way to the lake... Every time I had an inexplicable urge to fall into his arms and stay there forever. Basically I wanted him to fuck me senseless every time I saw him.
I don't know when it started. I don't know whether this desire was born from me falling in love with him or the other way round. All I know is that the moment I first felt it, I knew this was it. I was done for. This guy was something I had never encountered before and would never encounter again - the effect he had on me was unique. Fascinating. Scary even.
The irony of it all is that we never went that far. The one person who could make me horny with just a look never went further than kissing me. And God, it kills me when I think of what I've missed by not pushing him further. I should have taken initiative. Then again, if I had, I would have scared him away. He was never aware of what he was doing to me. Nobody was, to be honest. Nobody saw what I saw when I'd look at him.
And then it all ended. Poof, just like that. Maybe it was the distance. Maybe he wasn't confident enough. Maybe he was scared of his feelings. Maybe I just wasn't good enough. I'll never know. He won't ever tell. In the end, it was all for nothing.

And that's how I lost my once-in-a-lifetime chance of finding and keeping the perfect guy for me.

the bricks don't have the same colour

I got an email from D that reminded me just why I used to be so in love with him. He just knows things. I can't explain it. Though now I can only appreciate it without the feeling of being loved. But that's fine. It's still as comforting as ever to know there's someone who can read me like an open book but chooses to like me instead of being repulsed. I can't say that about more than three or four people in my life.

Summer's slowly remembering that it's her turn to be around, that goodness for that. I was beginning to think that we'd just have an entire year of early spring (i.e. rain and cold)...

And I really don't want to sound pretentiously deep or anything, but lately I've been looking up a lot instead of at the ground/my feet while outside and and I feel like the sky is always beautiful, no matter how many clouds there are. It's just always beautiful. I wonder why.

/P.

pear&apple pie

Been feeling aggressive and moodier than ever recently. Also the reason why I haven't been uploading.
I just really wanna die to put it simply. But I don't have the guts to do it. Yeah, I'm admitting it openly. There's no use in denying it, is there?

Also I like Mumford & Sons and Ed Sheeran. A lot.

Also tumblr is one of the most addictive things ever.

Also my dashboard is now filled with tons of superwholock fandom material (you don't have to understand). The Hannibal fandom is a bit creepy though, it's like it just appeared out of nowhere. And I ain't even mad.

Also I'm sleep deprived.

Also I think I need to shut up.

/P.