don't shout at me - not you, too.

It breaks my heart. It does.
Even if it's not your fault. Even if I did the same.
Don't push me away.

honey puffs

Flo caught a cold yesterday. He had a fever by the time I was getting ready to go. Weirdly enough, it was pretty funny. He is the craziest person when he's sick. He started changing the lyrics of children's songs and sang about me and his sister, then about sharks being eaten up by pandas. So much for the overall sanity of my surroundings.
As you see this is a fairly normal post for once. I feel okay for now so I might as well pull myself together and write in full and coherent sentences.
Actually all I wanted to say is that I'm so lucky to have found Flo. He accepts me, he doesn't shy away when he sees that there's something wrong with me, he endured it when I had an anger outbreak and held me until I stopped trying to beat the crap out of him, he stays by my side no matter how fucked up I am. He isn't afraid to stay. He doesn't care that I am far from perfect. He's just there for me, like an island of stability in my life, because God only knows how warped everything else is.
I've decided that the next time something happens, I'm going to seek medical help. Not just because I have to swallow my pride and finally admit that I can't do this alone, but for the sake of the people around me. It's a burden for them, too.

/P.

sunday song

Unproductive day of rest.
What to do, what to do.
Gay blow-jobs and boar killings.
Repetitive thoughts all day long, all night long.
Never trust a brothel owner who loves your wife.
150 shades of absolute nothingness.
Light at the end of the tunnel.
Dinner with the new 'family'.
His warmth.
His warmth.
Late night trip home.
Echo of his warmth.
Unplanned nap in the train.
Ellie.
Home bittersweet home.

/P.

jame lennister looks like prince charming in shrek

Not pregnant, why the assumptions.
Sole uno, only one, sun one, what's the meaning.
Bubbles.
Happy pills.
Bubbles.
Want his warmth.
He doesn't have any control over himself.
Because he doesn't have a father.
He doesn't listen to him, either.
Old train wagons.
Americanos bitching around.
Lies and excuses are left unseen.
Bitch king (prince) ftw.

/P.

( E.S.T. = electric shock therapy)

my head hurts

I'll let you in on a secret.
Well, it's not really a secret.
Or maybe it is.
Does it count as a secret when many people know?
I guess not.
It's not a secret then.
So I won't let you in on it, because you already know.
I'm losing my mind.

seduction

It's past seven.
Racist white vitamin chocolate.
Inner turmoil = snowstorm in a desert.
Re-read old messages.
He promised to write in the new year.
Chica, get your shit together.
Mental mentalist mentality.
Nikita chiquita banana.
Ellie Goulding - Lights (single version)
Mirror mirror on the wall.
Fuck you, Lana.
Baby don't fade away.
The higher the rise, the longer the fall.
One doesn't compare.
Paint it on the walls.
Where's the fire.
Don't know, but it's warm and pretty.
Confused.
Here, have a tissue.

/P.